As the shift from command and control leadership continues in forward thinking companies, new debates open up as to the qualities that leaders must now embrace and apply in the workplace.
And in an increasingly competitive market, gentleness is not a quality one would think of placing at the top of the list of key qualities for business leaders to utilise in their quest for success.
That’s because gentleness is often misunderstood. Yet, when leaders come to understand what gentleness really is, they can use it to achieve success and, indeed, greatness.
Most definitions of “gentleness” feature the words “kind,” “amiable,” “mild,” and “not harsh or severe.”. These are all relevant, but they do not provide the complete picture. Another way of describing the word is as “moderate” and “easily managed or handled.”.
The term “gentleman” has been around for centuries, and, while it originally referred to people in the aristocracy and land owners (landed gentry), over the centuries the term has come more recently to refer to men who treat others – particularly women – in a considerate and courteous manner as in the sentence, “He’s a real gentleman.”
Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, people lost the plot and started to confuse gentleness with weakness. That’s a big mistake. People can be weak without being gentle, but gentle people are definitely not weak.
Obsessive, insecure, and egotistical executives, particularly those afflicted by male toxicity – will scoff and scorn at the thought that gentleness should be a boardroom quality. Don’t let them bully you into falling for their bluster.
They operate from a platform of fear (you’d better believe it) and view gentleness as a weakness. They think that, if you are gentle, you’re being so because you’re too weak to stand up to someone or are afraid to incur their disapproval. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Here’s the kicker. When it comes to new generation leadership, gentleness is the ultimate form of strength.
While command and control leaders had to assert their authority by force and a show of strength, this is not the case for post-pandemic leaders. When, as a leader, you truly know who you are as a person, when you are genuinely comfortable in your own skin, when you have outgrown your insecurities, and when you have transcended your poor self-image, you are truly strong and no longer feel the need to have to prove anything to anyone. And it’s only when you’ve reached that place of strength that you can afford to be gentle.
Gentleness can be used to soothe troubled humans and troubled beasts. Horses and dogs who are skittish and uncontrollable can be brought under control not by a beating but by gentleness. Gentleness can be used to defuse even the ugliest boardroom brawl. Gentleness can be used to bring warring parties together to make peace. Gentleness can be used to deal with aggressive criminals.
Some years ago, I used gentleness to handle three armed robbers with guns to my head and to my wife’s head. While I acknowledge that every criminal act is unpredictable and different and does not turn out as desired, in our case, the robbers responded to my gentleness, resulting in our coming through the home invasion unscathed. Fortunately, the perpetrators were caught as they were exiting our home, tried and sentenced to lengthy prison terms.
When you approach a person with gentleness, you defuse their feeling threatened, opening the way for them to behave as they should, and not driven by fear. A cornered animal is a fearful animal, and we all know that a cornered (fearful) animal is very dangerous. So remove their feeling of being cornered, and you will remove their need for aggression.
I have found gentleness to be one of the most powerful business tools I can use. It has been highly effective in bringing to resolution some of the trickiest situations, and I can recommend it from personal experience.
To be gentle, though, you need to be comfortable with who you are. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you won’t let the six-year-old child still living in you come out screaming and shouting and expressing all sorts of inappropriate and destructive emotions. You will therefore be able to think clearly and calmly, and you will make good decisions, giving you a massive advantage over those not thinking as clearly.
If you want to operate from a position of genuine strength, be gentle. You will be surprised at the results!
Alan Hosking is the Publisher of HR Future magazine, www.hrfuture.net and @HRFuturemag. He is an internationally recognised authority on leadership competencies for the future and teaches experienced and younger business leaders how to lead with empathy, compassion, integrity, purpose, and agility. He has been an age management coach for two decades. In 2018, he was named by US-based web site Disruptordaily.com as one of the “Top 25 Future of Work Influencers to Follow on Twitter“. In 2020, he was named one of the “Top 200 Global Power Thought Leaders to watch in 2021” by PeopleHum in India. In 2022, he was named on the Power List of the “Top 200 Biggest Voices in Leadership in 2022” by LeaderHum.
