Emotional Invalidation: How It Shapes Self-Worth and Relationships

When words hurt: The lasting effects of emotional invalidation. Picture this: You’re upset after a tough day, and someone says, “You’re overreacting. Just move on.” Does that hurt your feelings? For many people, the answer is “yes.” That’s emotional invalidation — a way your feelings are brushed aside or downplayed. Over time, this can wear down your self-esteem and harm your relationships.

Below, we’ll explore what emotional invalidation is, how it impacts your self-esteem, and ways to recognize it in your life. Plus, we’ll look at common examples to help you better understand this behavior — and how to heal from it.

What is emotional invalidation?

At its core, emotional invalidation happens when someone rejects or minimizes your feelings. Rather than seeing your feelings as valid and important, they’re dismissed as unimportant, over-the-top, or wrong.

It can happen in childhood and lead to trauma, which you can discover through reflection and self-awareness, taking a Breeze wellbeing trauma test and analyzing your past. Or it can happen now and influence your present feelings.

Here’s what scientists state, “When people try to share their emotions with others and are told — either implicitly or explicitly — that their feelings are incorrect or inappropriate, they can feel emotionally invalidated.” [1]

This can happen intentionally or by accident. For example:

On purpose: Someone ignores your feelings to shut down the conversation or stay in control.
Unintentional invalidation: A person might mean well but uses phrases like, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” because they don’t know how to respond appropriately.

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How emotional invalidation shapes self-worth

When your emotions are constantly dismissed, it sends a damaging message: Your feelings don’t matter. Over time, this can chip away at your self-esteem and make you question your own reality.

Here’s how emotional invalidation can shape self-worth:

Doubting your feelings. You start to believe your emotions are “wrong” or “too much,” which leads to second-guessing yourself in other areas of life. You might search for helpful organization or ADHD tools because you start thinking that there’s something with your focus or avoid sharing your opinion, as “no one is interested.”
Suppressing emotions. To avoid being criticized, you may begin hiding how you feel. This emotional suppression can lead to anxiety, depression, and stress. [2]
Internalizing negative beliefs. Repeated invalidation can lead to harmful self-talk, like “I’m too sensitive” or “I don’t deserve to be heard.”
Fear of vulnerability. When invalidation is a recurring pattern, it becomes harder to open up to others. You might withdraw emotionally, even in close relationships.

Over time, these patterns create a vicious cycle. You suppress your emotions to avoid invalidation, but that suppression keeps you disconnected from your authentic self — and makes it even harder to rebuild your confidence.

10 signs that someone is invalidating feelings

Recognizing emotional invalidation can be tricky, especially if you’ve experienced it for a long time. Here are 10 common signs that someone is dismissing your feelings:

They say you’re overreacting. Phrases like, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” suggest your emotions are exaggerated or unnecessary.
They tell you how you “should” feel. Statements like, “You shouldn’t feel sad. It’s not a big deal,” imply your emotions are wrong.
They change the subject. Avoiding the topic altogether is a subtle way of ignoring your feelings.
They make you feel guilty for expressing yourself. Responses like, “Why are you trying to make me feel bad?” shift the blame onto you for sharing your emotions.
They dismiss your experiences. Comments like, “That’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through,” invalidate your feelings by making them seem insignificant.
They offer unsolicited advice instead of listening. Jumping straight to “Here’s what you need to do” can feel dismissive when all you wanted was empathy.
They use humor to brush it off. Laughing or making jokes about your feelings can trivialize them.
They blame you for feeling upset. Phrases like, “If you weren’t so sensitive, this wouldn’t bother you,” place the responsibility on you rather than the situation.
They compare your emotions to someone else’s. Saying, “Some people have it way worse than you,” minimizes your experience by making it seem small.
They avoid acknowledging your feelings. Silence, indifference, or refusing to engage in the conversation is another form of invalidation.

Emotional invalidation examples

Emotional invalidation happens in many everyday situations, often without us even realizing it. Here’s how it might appear in different areas of life:

Between parents and children. When a child is told, “You’re fine, stop crying,” or “Don’t act like a baby,” they may start to believe their emotions don’t matter or are something to be ashamed of.
In romantic relationships. Comments like “You’re being ridiculous” or “Why are you making this a big deal?” can create emotional distance and make a partner feel unsafe expressing their feelings.
With yourself. Even your inner voice can invalidate your feelings. Thoughts like, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I’m overreacting,” reinforce the belief that your emotions are unimportant, continuing the cycle of dismissal.

How to heal from emotional invalidation

According to the research, “The effects of validation appear emotion specific and dependent on levels of emotion dysregulation.” [3] The same is true for invalidation.

Yet, if you find that regular emotional invalidation affects you negatively, it’s vital to take a first step to change. Healing from emotional invalidation starts by accepting that your feelings are valid, no matter what others say. Here’s how you can start:

Validate yourself. Remind yourself, “It’s okay to feel this way,” and know that emotions are part of being human.
Set boundaries. Speak up when someone dismisses your feelings. For example, “I don’t feel heard when you say that. Can we talk about this differently?”
Seek support. Talk to a therapist or a friend who makes you feel safe and understood.
Challenge negative self-talk. If you think, “I’m too sensitive,” replace it with, “My feelings matter, and it’s okay to share them.”
Build healthy relationships. Spend time with people who respect and value your emotions.

The first step to healing is noticing when emotional invalidation examples happen, whether from others or yourself. Remember: your feelings matter, and you deserve to be heard and understood.